Swirly's Soliloquy on Food Lion

What's the deal with Food Lion. I have so many questions. Like: Is this a lion made out of food? Is it just a lion that likes food? Because I think that's all lions. Actually, it's probably one of the most defining characteristics of a lion. That it will eat greedily when given the chance. Now, whether or not the name is redundant or nonsensical, imagine a Food Lion. Would you go around taking food from a lion that is so hungry and food-obsessed that it puts the word food in its name? I'm not sure he (or she) would be very interested in these sorts of transactions. Lions can't do much with money, they mostly just like food. Your favorite scenario, where you go to the Food Lion to buy food, doesn't make any sense. Why would a lion trade off its food for currency. A lion doesn't need a convertible sofa or collectible Pokemon cards. Can you imagine a lion in skinny jeans or driving a Chevy Impala? The horror! He would rather kill an impala and then wear its skin as it runs down your street screaming 'Oo look at me I'm a big bad impala'. An argument could be made that the lion is saving all money to buy up land and create a private savannah, with a state of the art security team to thwart poachers. If he actually tried to retire though, he would never make it. He has created a demand for his food. Now that people need it, they would track him down to his private savannah and demand his food. Where does this leave our lion? Killing the people that made his private savannah dream possible in the first place? Hardly seems moral. But when have lions been moral. Especially a Food Lion guarding his food (and private savannah). This doesn't even touch on the fact that lions don't care much for vegetables and would probably not know anything about choosing a good tomato. Why would I go to him for produce?

This is really taking a lot for granted. More realistically, you would approach said lion for food and he would eat you because you are also food. Ah! Maybe it's somewhere for other lions to go. Perhaps the Food Lion is just a lion that is a master at collecting food and he shares his spoils with his hungry lion friends. This would definitely not make me want to shop. Hungry lions as customers? Food Lion, let me know when you're ready, because I've got some questions.